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9/18/2007

Hidden pain


The beauty that lies beneath all the hurt and pain, suffered at the hands of
those who professed to love and care, is taking much effort to rise to the
surface.

As exhausting as it is to hold fast to a thin thread of hope, for a future worth
living for.

For gray has been the day of yet and with dreaded antisapation of tomorrow, I
am.

At the wake of night I find my solace, in the dark recess of my mind,
contemplating coloring my thoughts with love, honour and respect, for that is
who I am.

Challenging it has been to beautify the images of my mind.

Contradicting are my desires, as the facts are against me.

I must find an avenue to a safe path even though it may be narrow, for
simplicity brings contentment.

All about evil lurks, behind a smile, who knows? A laughter maybe masking dark
intent. So ware of the man who fakes a limp.

For beauty seen from afar, is genuine, so approach at an angle, slow but true,
for the image you see, is a reflection of you.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

9/15/2007

Letting-go


I can see your mind, through your eyes, and despite the exhaustion and your tears of frustation, the spirit of nobility you do have.

I'll venture to say, that time has given urgency to your steps, and with sweeping determination, you can build a future worth living for.

Hear me, a note of caution I give you.

With effort you must push the memory away, lest it consumes you with grief and anger.

Don't kneel before anyone and plead ignorance! For you well know what must be done. You are enslaved to memory, dark as they maybe. Shine a light on them and they go away.

My own fear shamed me, but no longer. I have ignited with intent, and within the peaceful seams of my heart, lies this flame, ever burning...which is love.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

9/14/2007

Reflection


Hey Paulie, I know you have been affected.

I know you've been in a galaxy, in which you were exposed to hurt, pain, sadness, hunger and thirst.

I know you have seen the clashes of all sorts of substance abuse, physical and sexsual abuse.

I know you have seen the begining of life and ending of it.

I know you have experience to have plenty and to be in want.

I know you have been near death on numerous occasions. You have seen loved ones dead and loved ones dying.

I know you have heard the cries of others and of your own.

I know you have been slashed at, shot at, and I know you have had your share in cutting and shootings and hitting your targets.

This is the happy curiosity, that you were not alone. I was with you all along...yes, the one before you in the mirror.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

9/10/2007

Rise



Now you must cast down your laziness, he who rests on down or under cover, can not come to fame.

He who desires or in want must surround himself with those who have...to have.

Explain yourself with action, for the lack of words is sufficient for me.

A just request, is to be met in silence, by the act.

How can you say, what is to be, if you only see, with one eye?





Write to me:



Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

9/09/2007

Avenal State Prison Art


Nature


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Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

9/05/2007

Tear drops


To see in the eyes of one who can not speak, but words I hear out loud as the life blood stains his surrounding.

In the stains of others I've become that surrounding, and the words of my mouth is what I heard, from the eyes I've seen cry. The child of a mother is who that was.

Never can be effaced from my memory, the images of my eyes. The words of their crys and the reflections of my own as a reminder, always to be unknown.

Utterly unable to decide. I have a horror of a river of tears now.

I recall his many qualities, his patient temper, his industry, his cheerfulness and tender love for me.

I can not express my feelings or describe the vastness of my loss.

What I have done...is done!



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

9/04/2007

Cucui


Ehi you, you smiling, tell me, I'd be glad to have something to smile about.

Funny, what memories come to you for no good reason.

For a moment i was a child, sensitive to the touch, always ready for a good
story.

Tales of the dark, gruesome and insane. I'll never forget them, for I was
terrifield for days after, expecially at night.

The dark and the shadow people wait patiently for me, as if they had eternity.

Strange as it may seem, I'd always felt this chill, that would freeze my heart.

The hair on my arms would stand on and, yes...on my neck too.

At the ready, are the willing, to pull me under my bed, and my closet would
always welcome me in.

I never saw the face behind the big green eyes.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

The depth of pain


In the depth of pain I have plunged, the moment the meeting of conception
was made.

Why would life be granted in innocence and death followed by guilt?

These are troubling thoughts of mine and questions that disturbs me so.

I have looked deeper into the realm of exsuses and have come up with
irrational hope.

My voice is filled with contempt on this matter.

I have never been able to trust words offered so effortlessly. I am accustomed
to insincerity smoothly delivered to me, but matters of the heart is what is
sought, difficult to express, I am, for much more is at stake.

In haste I accept the pain of loss, so that distance can take root.

Rather than say so, I'll ask another question.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

9/02/2007

On-call


I have been put into a position that can turn my hands red at will and to have that
responsibility is very burdensome and weighty.

I have little refreshment as they put me to the question with a thousand sudden
demands.

Now what can this mean? Am I now a banished man? I well know that I am followed with
deep interest.

I am on my own, for the world and death and the inhumanity of some, parted us forever.

I have decided my defense against these robbers, must be my solitude.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

Bound


Allow me to bind you with my rope of words, as I
arrest your attention and hold you captive.

I'll kiss you and render you speechless, as if you
were gagged.

Don't wiggle, turn or twist, for understanding, for
the cords of my words will only tighten.

Look into my eyes and see that I mean no harm.

Surrender to your captor and say: that you will be
his lady, so that I can say, that I'll be your man.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

9/01/2007

Mama


Panic ruled my mind for a moment as hot coals of a little girls cry, for her mother...my mother!Always will be missed the tender love she had for me.

A courageous woman full of fright and held at bay, by her submissive role.

I gave her my word, she made me promise, to be the keeper of my brothers, this I will!

What good would it do to say "I love you"? I wish for better words, but there are none.

In desparation I am, lent not by design. The thought that my mother is gone, brought limitless tears and crushed me with heartache.

Life seems desolate, but not meaningless.

For yesterday is the day, that had pushed today into tomorrow, and this I live for, that my mother's sacrifices will not be in vain.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

Time




Afraid of aging, I am.

As the decadence of my body and mind races forth, I can't help but wonder, what one as old as he thinks.

As he already passed on to me what needs to be? Is he waiting for reassurance from me, that I have learned, so that I can go and teach?

I walk with him in silence, knowing I am being taught.

The source of his work, overwhelms me with addiction, for the rest of my life.

Questions of many, answers assured.

Step by step, I'll take with him. If he ever decides to speak to me, I hope he says; I have achieved.





Write to me:



Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA

Pre-judged


I no longer see the warmth of friendship and affection, once displayed to me.

The concealment of truth is revealed through the dart of your eyes and posture, so close them and speak, for then, I'll know the true nature of your heart.

As one nears out of darkness, I've become aware through the dramatic and terrible experiences of the past few years.

I was quite overcomed and taken a back, and would have fallen, if I hadn't been lying down!

The memory of what I saw caused a weakness in the very fiber of my being - a sensation like the steam of hot water infusing my limbs and paralyzing my heart.

So it is with reverence approaching awe, that my pursuit of truth is done, with unrelenting courage and diligence, influence by a flicker of light, given by others and shunned by some, for a brighter future.



Write to me:


Paul Lara V76259
350-1-55y Po box 9
Avenal, CA 93204
USA